Brae and Tylor

Brae and Tylor
What th...

Tuesday, 9 August 2016

5 things you should know about a Samoyed (Sammy-yed) before you part with your money.

1. Some Sammys can be noisy b'stards

If you already own a Sammy then this might come as a bit of a shock as we all know them to be (in the main) our silent partner. We have never known them to raise voice at the 'knock of a door' at a 'misplaced toy thing' or for generally no good reason. This is considered as barbarous dissonance by most, if not all owners.

It has recently come to light that through uncensored breeding that there might be a couple of barkers slipping into the proverbial Samoyed gene-pool. 

For those of you not aware of this sound it is of which I am sure there are many, It has a resonance something like a gentle 'BOOOORRRK', a distained 'AAAARRRRROOOOHHHHH' or a silent 'BLEC-BLEC-BARKETY-BORK, BORK, BORK, OOF.

You will be unfamiliar with these sounds, so I will endeavor to show you through the means of photography how these, almost silent forms of communication can been seen.
left: As you can see here, a slightly opened jaw precedes a light an airy BORK. From this height above sea level would never really travel further than a couple of miles and likely unheard by many save for those with the keenest hearing or with amplifying machinery such as a hearing aid.

Right: Here is an attempt to capture the silent AAAARRROOOOHHHH, 
You might just be able to make out a slight lifting of the head - if you can't, don't worry because its normally accompanied by a raised foot which you can quite easily see in this image.

This sound will only travel two or three hundred yards and probably only twice that distance at night, thus easily making it difficult to hear over the normal daytime noise

Left: This open mouthed expression is often confused with a yawn and you could miss the gentle
The lips have a slight curl with the mouth just slightly ajar as shown here in this rare and unique image .
This is slightly unusual, insofar that not many have heard this and as such, remains unsubstantiated.
We understand that this sound may relate to the need to be elsewhere other than where they are.

2. Recall.

All sammys are of course obedient to the 'n'th degree and a Recall command is very rarely needed as part of a training programme.

As part of our studies, here at the Southborough Lighthouse we have transposed this unused term with one or two  that hold a far more convenient expression and meaningfulness such as,  'Search and discover', 'Search and destroy' and  I'll see you at home later then'

Here are two that are displaying beautifully the Search and Discover in favour of the redundant recall. Note how the poorly trained Labrador lacks the ability to transpose this rudimentary command anywhere near as quickly as our favorite breed and resorted to a 'follow' disposition.

Hopefully it should be some hours before these two are back by your side giving extra time to enjoy the blustery surroundings.

3. The language of Samoyeds

You can be forgiven for thinking that this intellectual beast has many facets to its language and that its diverse expressions and mannerisms hold all sorts of secrets and inter-dog codes.

We are only just beginning to discover that many expressions can be boiled down to portray one or more basic instincts.

We have found over a hundred expressions that mean no more than 'Feed Me'. The lifted eyebrow in conjunction with the 'Feed Me' expression converts this to one of urgency - as in 'Feed Me - NOW', or 'Give me that food that you are eating'

Right: Here is the articulate expression for 'Gimme one of them-there sweeties' the slight return of the right ear adds 'You fat porker' to the whole sentence. The direction of the eyes indicate the location of the food matter and the slight salivation also determines the urgency of the need

Wonderful animals

We cannot find any other tangible use for expression other than this primordial need for food.

4. Getting to terms with Snorp, Blep, Mlem, and Blem.

I know what you are thinking - fairly basic and entry level Samoyed - but is it?

Left: So lets not get confused..

The simple 'Blep' is mastered by the Left hand animal

The simple 'Blem' is shown, but not fully mastered by the right hand animal and of course it never will be as he is not a full Samoyed

Right: This is the 'Part Mlem' which normally precedes the 'Full Mlem'

The dog with the mask clearly understands this term (although not a full Samoyed)

Left: The wonderful example of the 'Full Mlem'

Magnificently portrayed here in this Mlem moment that you may only catch once or maybe twice a year.

Right: And finally the 'Snorp', worn here by the part Samoyed. Rated 'Fairly Common' but not often caught on camera.

5. Shoobies
This is a term that has been shunned by the Samoyed community as a whole and recently caused uproar when it was suggested that a full name change should be adopted by the Samoyed Association to avoid confusion between the two completely different breeds.

Shoob (from the comedy Latin language meaning Samoyed) and Obies (once again from the comedy language called Latin - meaning Comedy) Example shown on the left is a Shoobie food funnel
Right: Here of course is the full majesty of a Samoyed. (Note the lack of comedy)
So finally to recap, the following are examples of what you hope to have learned from the above, if you fully understand these, it will help when it comes to deciding whether to adopt or buy a samoyed in the future.


The airy BOOORK

 The Part Mlem



Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Fancy a bit of home-made music

Good old version of fruity loops - the only two songs I could be bothered to upload to Youtube

Uncleudder does dubstep
Just a little song made with fruity loops and samples from Down Came The Rain (Mister Murray)

Berk the bug-piper

Just a little song made with fruity loops and samples from the great Willie Rushton
Sometimes .....

Thursday, 13 August 2015

In-car entertainment

This is my in-car entertainment

Tylor and Brae - 1 horsepower head magnet

Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Update on Rhubarb and Ginger Vodka

Rhubarb and Ginger 'Fro-Yo,'

If you have read my previous blog for  Rhubarb and Ginger Vodka then you will see that I recommended throwing the grey rhubarb sticks away on completion.

I have since read an article on a healthy recipe for Rhubarb and ginger in a frozen greek yoghurt concoction.

Well blow the healthy bit - lets try this with the remains of the rhubarb from the Vodka I thought, after sampling one of the bits from the vodka infusion (although looked unappealing, tasted great)

Need photos from my cupboard - so will finish this later

Wednesday, 19 February 2014


Shamed - this is the second attack on a helpless vinyl floor and its about time he learned his lesson.

Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Plant association and weeds

Thinking about BJ's allotment, here are a few reasonable plant associations to go into spring with, together with an interesting look at weeds.

-Roses and chives: Gardeners have been planting garlic with roses for eons, because garlic is said to repel rose pests. Garlic chives probably are just as repellent, and their small purple or white flowers in late spring looks great with rose flowers and foliage.

-Tomatoes and cabbage: Tomatoes are repellent to diamondback moth larvae, which are caterpillars that chew large holes in cabbage leaves.

-Cucumbers and nasturtiums: The nasturtium's vining stems make them a great companion rambling among the cucumbers and squash. Nasturtiums are reputed to repel cucumber beetles, also good as habitat for predatory insects, such as spiders and ground beetles.

-Peppers and ..Nah dont bother 

-Cabbage and dill: Dill is a great companion for cabbage family plants, such as broccoli and brussels sprouts. The cabbages support the floppy dill, while the dill attracts the tiny beneficial wasps that control imported cabbageworms and other cabbage pests.

-Lettuce and tall flowers: Nicotiana (flowering tobacco) give lettuce the light shade it grows best in.

-Radishes and spinach: Radishes attract leafminers away from the spinach. The damage the leafminers do to radish leaves doesn't prevent the radishes from growing nicely underground.

-Potatoes and sweet alyssum: The sweet alyssum has tiny flowers that attract delicate beneficial insects, such as predatory wasps. Plant sweet alyssum alongside bushy crops like potatoes, or let it spread to form a living ground cover under arching plants like broccoli. Bonus: The alyssum's sweet fragrance will scent your garden all summer.

-Cauliflower and dwarf zinnias: The nectar from the dwarf zinnias lures ladybirds and other predators that help protect cauliflower. Cauliflowers look nice, but who the hell wants to eat them (voluntarily)

-Collards (greens) and catnip: Studies have found that planting catnip alongside collards reduces some f'kin bug or another. Of course the catnip encourages .... Cats -  who will roll about over your plants and dig up all your other vegetables in order to make their own massive toilet

Forget about catnip and for that matter, Collards (just buy them from a greengrocers).

-Strawberries and love-in-a-mist: Tall, blue-flowered love-in-a-mist (Nigella damascena) looks wonderful planted in the center of a wide row of strawberries.

-Stinging nettles, wasps and burglers: burglers look just great with a stinging nettle rash and wasp stings. Plant them next to your valuables.

What about those f'kin weeds -  its just a matter of perspective. 

Learning to live with a few weeds is a gardener’s mark of maturity, not unlike that moment when you suddenly stop fretting about the fact that you’re too tall, too short or whether your bum looks good in this and simply decide to get on with life.

Weeds compete with your desired, cultivated plants for water, nutrients, sunlight, and growing space. Left alone, they will overrun your garden. If you doubt this, observe an empty allotment or untended garden for just one growing season and watch the weeds take over.
And yet the organic gardener is well served by cultivating a healthy tolerance for some weeds. Complete eradication is unnecessary unless something as insidiously invasive as Japanese knoweed, ground elder or bloody 'Granny Pop Out Your f'kin Bed' crops up in your garden or allotment.

By tolerating a few weeds, you will make your entire gardening experience more relaxed and enjoyable. And your garden will still be beautiful. There are as many shades of green in this world as there are of gray.

In the Eye of the Beholder
The concept of “weeds” is a human invention, a way to describe those plants that grow where we don’t want them. The mint that I planted last year is my idea of a weed. Yours may be volunteer tomato plants from last year’s crop that show up in your flowerbed. One strategy for becoming more weed-tolerant is to rework your definition of a weed. A common gauge for weed tolerance is the relative difficulty of getting rid of the plant; perennials with spreading roots or deep taproots are the most persistent, so you will want to nuke these bastards.

Many plants maligned as weeds are highly attractive to beneficial insects that will help pollinate your plants and eat aphids, thrips, and mites. Others are actually delicious edibles. These include dandelion and common purslane.

Some serious invaders such as  blackberry and pampas grass were prized as ornamentals before they bolted beyond the back garden (it was common knowledge that local swingers would grow pampas grass in  their front gardens).

Because their seeds are typically amazingly mobile, weeds can take over quickly. They’re spread by birds, the wind, running water, and car tires. Swapping plants with friends and neighbours often means trading weed seeds, too. In fact, anytime plants are brought into a new environment, they have the potential of bringing weeds with them.

An Ounce of Prevention
Even if you do embrace a more casual attitude toward weeds, you’ll want to control their growth by focusing on prevention as well as eradication. Weeds are opportunistic plants, popping up wherever conditions allow. With that in mind, think about all the things that you do to stimulate plant growth. Now, to suppress weeds, do the opposite.

Yank them young
Your first defense against weeds is to pull or hoe them before they get established. Learn to identify weeds as young seedlings and nab them as they emerge.

Stop the seed
If you don’t get them as babies, at least don’t let them go to seed. As the old gardening saw goes, “One year’s seeding makes seven years’ weeding.”Remember this when the local council decides not to cut the verges until the dandelions have set a plague of seed (you know who you are).

Organic mulches include compost, shredded leaves, wood chips, bark, dried grass clippings, and other biodegradable material. A 50mm to 75mm layer will keep sunlight from reaching the weed seeds, preventing their germination. Apply mulch immediately after weeding or digging your soil. Take care to keep mulch an inch or two away from plant stems to prevent rot caused by moisture retained in the mulch. Your mulch material will also conserve water, keep roots cool, and nourish the soil as it decomposes.

Plant densely
Grow plants close together, and they will consume the available space, nutrients, and sunlight, thereby bullying the weeds out of the way - this is my favourite.

Remember not to yank perennial weeds. You’ll break off the root, and another weed will appear. Use a long screwdriver or weed-pulling tool with a forked end. Hand-pulling becomes easier as your soil improves.

Pick your day
Weeding can be an absolute joy after a deep, soaking rain, but don’t do it when the soil is soggy. You’ll create clumps. And be careful where you walk and kneel: You don’t want to compress your soil. Stay on paths and lean into your planting beds instead. Dont do it in the rain or it becomes depressing - there are better things in life (masterbating for example).

You may need to use a shovel to dig out persistent perennial weeds. Get as much of the root and runners as you can. It may take several diggings to eliminate something particularly tenacious, such as couch grass

Use a Dutch hoe to scrape off the top layer of annual weeds. To avoid harming the roots of your cultivated plants, don’t dig deeper than 1 inch. Deep hoeing also exposes buried weed seed to sunlight, allowing it to sprout.

Some gardeners use plastic sheeting, newspaper, and weed-barrier cloth as mulchlike covers. You lay the material over your planting areas and cut holes for your plants to grow through. This blocks out light and smothers young weeds. Other people (like me) feel that nonorganic mulches are somewhat out of place - particularly when you see the old carpet and lino turn up at the allotments.

Trying to achieve a weed-free garden or allotment is a demanding, unrealistic goal. By simply accepting a few weeds as part of the mix, you will encourage diversity, welcome tasty additions to the salad bowl, and find yourself with more time for valuable gardening experiences, such as afternoon naps in the hammock, something any civilized person can relate to.

Thursday, 13 February 2014

Rhubarb and Ginger Vodka

Rhubarb and Ginger vodka

Now the crowns of my Rhubarb are visible I have to think of something to do with the prolific amount of stalk that we get each spring - god forbid, there is far too much to eat and one rhubarb crumble is normally enough for me. So in time honoured fashion, we may as well turn it into an alcoholic beverage so that it is not wasted.

Two recipes below not unsimilar to each other

If you fancy giving it a go, you’ll need:

600g rhubarb, cut into 1" (25mm) chunks
300g caster sugar
7cm of ginger root un pealed
Zest of one lemon
1 x 1 litre bottle of vodka


500g rhubarb, cut into 1" (25mm) chunks
250g caster sugar
4cm piece of fresh ginger, peeled and sliced
6 long pieces of orange peel (from 2 oranges)
1 x 750ml bottle of vodka

Put the clean rhubarb, sugar, ginger (cut into slices) and zest/orange peel into a 1½ - litre/1-litre Kilner jar and pour in the bottle of vodka. Secure the lid and put into a cupboard or on a shelf for 1 month, gently turning it upside down every other day to dissipate the sugar.

Try not to shake it like you would........for example...........erm........a naughty boy (before there were laws against such things - you don't want your rhubarb calling childline).

After a month or two - say......erm.....6 weeks, but who's counting, strain it through a muslin (not a Muslim because drinking alcohol is sinful in Islam and explicitly forbidden by God in Qur'an) and drink. I understand that this improves over a period of 6 months, but who the hell is going to wait 6 months.

Remember to discard the leaves because they are both inedible and poisonous, somewhat like a cheap newspaper.

With this recipe, unlike blueberry gin you cannot re-use the horrible, discoloured, grey stems as they taste like sh#t

What are the immediate effects of drinking Rhubarb vodka?
Body feels relaxed.
Loss of self-control.
Uncontrolled body movement.
Blurred vision.
Talk is not clear.
Nausea and vomiting.
Loss of consciousness.
Unprovoked attack by Duke Nukem
Death in various ways: accident, suicide, laughter, orgasm, etc.

But on the good it to women will get you laid.